Friday, August 10, 2012

Aristocare's Great Bluff and a Singaporean Kiasu Dream

This is one random story that makes me laugh again during this national day period as I reflect on Singapore chionging ahead to get ahead. This is the story of Aristocare, which is more aptly named Aristofuckcare. This story is even more relevant now when Primary 1 phase 2C is over and some kancheong parents are feeling so left out in the game as they felt they are letting their kids off with a bad start at the blocks because they could not get their kids into a "good" school blablabla.

The Singapore kiasu dream - study, go enrichment classes and have tuition to get ahead of the pack. What's next is... cheating in exams. Don't shake your head. Because it is not about dishonesty, it is about winning! That's the motto for my tuition centre that I'm going to set up. After all, that is what Kelvin Ong from Aristocare is telling everyone.

Just so you get a rough idea,the fees for Aristocare's GEP class is $1,100 for 4 lessons, each lesson 1.5 hrs, ++ other fees. If there are 5 kids in a class, that's $5,500 in the pocket. If he does 10 kids, 20 kids, 30 kids, you get the picture. MOE already busted his ass, CASE is on his ass, IRAS should be next. If Kelvin Ong Wee Loong screwed some old frigid sex-deprived MOE staff to look the other way all these years, you bet CPIB is next asking him out for kopi.  LOL

How was Kelvin Ong dishonest? He said he graduated from NUS, was a gifted student at ACS, was a teacher at ACS - all untrue. Sexposed by NUS and ACS. He preyed on what Singaporean parents wanted - they believe in hothousing their average normal kids and magically making them geniuses by attending fancy overpriced elitist enrichment schools. By eagerly buying into the tuition centre industry, they get a bonus for their kids' social mobility. Right. Kelvin Ong must have felt that it was so easy to con Singaporeans. No wonder Ah Tiong businessmen like to do business deals with Singaporeans in China - we are generally gullible and want to part with our money buying magic stones. Facepalm.

Singapore parents want to believe they are doing the best for their kids. So watch out, be suspicious if your tutor from some branded United Square centre said he has a Phd from MIT, a photo framed on the wall with his arm around Tomas Transtromer's shoulders, and taught at Eton before. When he tells you that, quickly check and hold onto your wallet to make sure it is not pickpocketed already. Also check if MIT, the M is actually "Madras", the person has a Phd and is not some quack doctor, that photo of Tomas is not just some old random ang moh and Eton is really Eton College.

The saddest part about all his dishonesty as others before me have said and I need to repeat as it is so hilarious, is that he tried to blame his mother. He said that, wait for this champion lame excuse, his mother claimed to him "Boy boy, you are my smart boy boy, so gao that you were in the gifted programme in ACS". WTF Dishonest never mind, still so spineless and blame his mother! LOL

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